If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
