im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
