I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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