I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
