i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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