I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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