im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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