life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
