It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
