I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
