The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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