i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
