I must be too annoying 4 u.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
