she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
