i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
