I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
