I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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