someone get that fucking seahorse.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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