I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
