so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
