Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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