I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
