I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
