As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
