I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
