Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
