I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
