Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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