She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
