I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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