It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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