you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
