I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
