i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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