Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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