i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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