I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
