Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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