Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize