Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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