i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
