I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
