I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
