I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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