Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
