hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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