I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
