TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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