Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
