mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
